Florida: Malformed egg-demon to the world
Florida: Malformed egg-demon to the world

Florida: Yes, it’s the Sunshine State. But did you also know it was the Soft-Boiled Egg state? It’s true. Tens of thousands of slightly-congealed eggs are shipped to Florida from neighboring, egg-producing Alabama, where the state bird is the Short-Crested Leghorn. A well-fed Leghorn can lay up to eight eggs per day…and they’re already soft-boiled. You […]

Formless stuffed things
Formless stuffed things

The Goodwill on 2222 recently, maybe six months ago, putting discount bins in the front. I’m guessing it’s to give a bit of shape to the cash register area, or maybe just to slow down the occasional mad rush toward Women’s Sleeveless Tops. We are not sure. Mostly, it’s filled with religious devotionals and textbooks, […]

He’s probably upset because he missed “pooh week.”
He’s probably upset because he missed “pooh week.”

Because lord knows, babies hate to miss “pooh week.” They’re really all about pooh. He’s even wearing the team colors. This assumes the team colors are jarring red, cheerful yellow, and “gently used spaghetti-os” brown, and that Pooh would have some of that action leaking down his chin. I’m willing to make this assumption, though, […]

Obviously some sort of strange Easter footware.
Obviously some sort of strange Easter footware.

Someone needs to call an exterminator. Their shoehouse is filled with rabbits. Rabbits, or mice. I’m not sure which. The ears say rabbit. The body and thin whiplike tail says “mouse.” The hooked clawlike hands really say “gargoyle,” or maybe “Nosferatu.” Theory one: balancing an Easter egg on the point of his nose. Theory two: […]

Emo frog
Emo frog

I tried to help him, I did. He was such a sad frog, I tried to, you know, lift his spirits a little, put him back on his feet in some small way. Sadly, it didn’t work. This is what the toy section of Thrift Town does to you. It breaks your spirit, and your […]

Oh Jasmine, how you’ve changed.
Oh Jasmine, how you’ve changed.

Mom and dad were concerned by Jasmine, both about her new look and her territoriality. But young girls need to express their inner boy band. In Kindergarten, half the girls in Jasmine’s class wore their favorite princess costumes to school. Not Jasmine. Even if she, like, owned the rights to Princess Jasmine by unassailable playground […]

A Pooh Miscellaney
A Pooh Miscellaney

One thing they learned after Christopher Robin’s tragic disappearance–never let a child play with a bear. Particularly one that just ran out of honey. When Pooh came for Roo, no-one said anything. When Pooh came for piglet, no-one said anything. When Pooh came for me, there was no-one left to say anything. Okay, not a […]

Bear with me here.
Bear with me here.

The sad thing about this first guy is not so much that it’s a teddy bear made out of shells…now, that in itself is sad, because teddy bears are by their nature cute and cuddly, and making one out of cold, sharp-edged crunchy things that, when they break, become even sharper is a bit of […]

Would you trust this priest?
Would you trust this priest?

So I thought to myself, “how can I best make fun of a cuddly stuffed priest?” Would I talk about his special “cliff’s notes” bible, which only has the four important pages? I’m pretty sure you could get the high points in four pages with big felt letters. Ten commandments, check. Garden of Eden, check. […]

I don’t think they get any deader :(
I don’t think they get any deader :(

Oh the things you find at Goodwill’s “Blue Hanear.” It’s kind of the place where thrift goes to die–vast bins of overstock, fractured ceramics, broken microwaves, and whatever the heck they couldn’t sell roll in, and move out the door for like $1.00 a pound. When a new aisle full of fresh bins open up, […]