He’s probably upset because he missed “pooh week.”
He’s probably upset because he missed “pooh week.”

Because lord knows, babies hate to miss “pooh week.” They’re really all about pooh. He’s even wearing the team colors. This assumes the team colors are jarring red, cheerful yellow, and “gently used spaghetti-os” brown, and that Pooh would have some of that action leaking down his chin. I’m willing to make this assumption, though, […]

The darker side of yarn
The darker side of yarn

[Note: This was originally a guest post for Rewind Knits and Crochet. It’s been a few months so I’m posting a backdated version.] When I heard that I was being nominated as this year’s Miss August, I was thrilled. I ran to my computer, updated all my statuses–wait, wrong post. When I heard that ThriftHorror […]

Would you trust this priest?
Would you trust this priest?

So I thought to myself, “how can I best make fun of a cuddly stuffed priest?” Would I talk about his special “cliff’s notes” bible, which only has the four important pages? I’m pretty sure you could get the high points in four pages with big felt letters. Ten commandments, check. Garden of Eden, check. […]

It’s got a pretty mouth to swallow you whole
It’s got a pretty mouth to swallow you whole

Somehow, I don’t think being a semi-collectable vintage reproduction has really worked out for this kid. She–possibly he, maybe it, but we’ll go with she because of the amount of lace involved–aged pretty well, didn’t mess up her very nice dress over the years, even seems to have all her limbs–and that’s saying something, in […]

Only for Decorative Purposes
Only for Decorative Purposes

Definitely not for internal use. Probably not to be used as a household cleanser or small god. Arguably not fit for conversation, or any sort of medical application. Also not to be inserted into the front door of a birdhouse, no matter how “welcome” it might be–although that’s really more raw absurdity rather than any […]

Combating the Childhood Obesity Epidemic
Combating the Childhood Obesity Epidemic

I don’t know, this seems like enabling behavior. If your delightful little child is so terribly round, so perfectly ovoid that she has lost the ability to use her legs, and has to be perambulated about in a basket, you probably shouldn’t encourage that. “Georgette…I’m sorry, oh so sorry, but we went down to the […]

Horrible horrible gnomething
Horrible horrible gnomething

There’s nothing quite like the Goodwill “Blue Hanger” outlet store. Except if you imagined Hurricane Katrina washing the entire contents of a “Family Dollar” store down the street, picking up bits of cruft and drek, then depositing it like an alluvial plain into a flea market on “Tax Free Weekend” Saturday, under a full moon. […]

Oh god, the wool.
Oh god, the wool.

I’m not sure this is horrifying, not really, but as I look out the window and note that the trees are not just sagging, but actually MELTING, and that Texas summer survival suggestions often include “stop, drop and roll,” I think…better you than me, sister. Wow. I’m not sure what level of decadence Victorian England […]

Sad and hideous
Sad and hideous

Late night, inĀ  the thrift store, they tell stories–stories like the headless horseman, or like the headless horse, or the headless, armless football player, who was technically a headless armless football-less football player, and might have actually been playing a different game entirely. Sometimes, they say, if you listen real close, you can still hear […]

Sassy little cube girl
Sassy little cube girl

What is she thinking, that sassy little cube girl? She’s planning something delightfully mischievous. She’s thinking about stealing green apples from the farmer’s tree, maybe knocking on some doors and hiding, possibly about selling junk bonds in a leveraged buyout. Good, old-fashioned country fun. Straw hat, impish grin, peat moss hair–the girl’s made of country. […]