That’s not an ox.
That’s not an ox.

Not to judge anybody’s Christmas celebration, but…I notice they waited until after unwrapping a few presents before getting to the big, struggling, whimpering one. You know, the one that was tied shut and had no air ventilation. Okay, I know this is supposed to be a cute, faintly Norman Rockwellian moment, but this would only […]

Angels we have…oh nevermind.
Angels we have…oh nevermind.

What is the sound of a chorus of angels made of beer cans? It’s not “Alleluia, Alleluia,” it’s probably not even “Fa la la la la la,” though it might be “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” in four-part discord. (Incidentally, I tried to look up the definition of “proparation”, there isn’t one. My […]

Wrapping up
Wrapping up

Epiphany! The day of god manifest on earth, the big show the Wise Men traveled quite some time for, wrapping up the Christmas story with all the bells and whistles and a chorus of angels and even children and animals. I want this to be a lovely tapestry to hang on the wall to celebrate […]

Creepy doll, creepier snowman
Creepy doll, creepier snowman

Okay, so she’s not exactly a Christmas doll, but a little bit of red and green, she’s holding a baby, not that much of a stretch. Anyway, I want her out of my photo queue, she’s really bothering me. It’s those eyes.  Those pimento-stuffed-olive eyes. The tiny stick-like T-Rex arms, they also bother me. Weirdly wedge-shaped head […]

Startling Revelations
Startling Revelations

Hmm…writer in search of better title here. Bueller? Dozens injured or killed last Thursday as the Christmas Train jumped its tracks, caused in part by reality melting like a pat of butter on a camp stove. Actually, the train pretty much stayed on its tracks. Not how I remembered this particular snow globe at all. […]

I have no eyes but I must scream
I have no eyes but I must scream

this may be the single biggest slap in the DIY Plaster Craft industry’s bruised and mottled face yet. First, pick the most ambitious thing on the shelf. Preferably something with a nice, tight seasonal deadline. Sit down. Clear your mind. Really clear that sucker. Then, because you’ve gotta get this painted, dried and glazed before […]

A few more Santas
A few more Santas

And Santa…Santa gots moves. Okay, for an old guy made of cornhusks and a ping-pong ball wrapped in mache, he’s pretty darn joyful. There’s a whole lot of happy motion here, and that’s pretty neat. He only barely makes our high standards because, besides being weirdly faceless, someone went and trimmed him with sequins, and suddenly we’ve […]

Reindeer Games
Reindeer Games

…well, maybe it’s a deer. It’s got a red nose. It may be a bear. Or a deerbear. Maybe beardeer. Whatever it is, it probably shouldn’t have eaten all those holly berries, because something’s definitely wrong in Denmark. It may be happy, but it probably hasn’t realized it’s got a lush and verdant yuletide habitat […]

Short and weird
Short and weird

Perhaps you’ve grown up thinking of snow as light and feathery. The kind of thing that drifts from the sky, breezes around a bit, then settles in such a way that heroes in a few winter-themed action movies or Christmas flicks could use it to break a particularly bad fall. This really isn’t that kind […]

Bloodshed and mayhem with the Bergers
Bloodshed and mayhem with the Bergers

Utah historians rarely, if ever, speak of the Berger family Christmas ski trip and massacre. Oh sure, it’s entered the popular lexicon, like Donner Family and Manson Family. It’s probably in the Urban Dictionary, which has more entries than the Oxford English and, really, is more consise and reliable for business use. Lexicography aside, the […]