They aren’t like us.
They aren’t like us.

This is going to be one of those posts that ends up in the non-PC bin. And I’m going to delete every line of it three times. What I really want to say is, some people can wear hats. Other people apparently have bricks growing out of the tops of their heads. If I had […]

Tragedy, comedy, and…
Tragedy, comedy, and…

This is for when simple “tragedy” isn’t enough. It’s a little-known fact that the ancient Greeks invented gross-out humor at least 500 years before the “Scream” movie franchise perfected it. You can see evidence of it in that pretty fresco of the muses, Melpomene, Thalia, and…uh…Nausea. And here she is. Isn’t she pretty? It’s really […]

Cows? Cows.
Cows? Cows.

Or possibly pig-cows. “Dark master! I give this pig to you! Take him, so that you may look favorably upon me and restore my head!” These were not, as far as I know, part of the same set originally. But they belong together. Like Laverne and Shirley, like Laurel and Hardy, like the Master and […]

Cram that full of Easter and sell it.
Cram that full of Easter and sell it.

Basically just pile on the Easter until visibility is totally destroyed, and call it “crafts.” Lots of sins are committed in the name of crafts. This is not a great atrocity against tulle, but it has a certain mysterious allure to it. Dare you pull aside the veil of flowers and see what Easter horrors […]

Leprechaun-measuring contest
Leprechaun-measuring contest

  I know I’ve seen this guy before. I think the was the back-cover gnome on the October issue of  “12 Inches of Shamrock” magazine, after he did that video, “Kiss Me I’m Irish and Legal.” I don’t recall his clover with such a big…smile, but, you know, it’s probably healthier if the plant enjoys […]

Santas, Distressed and Distressing
Santas, Distressed and Distressing

Be easy on him, it’s been a hard holiday. After Christmas, he just likes to curl up in a nice, snow-encrusted gutter and sleep the 10.2 million sherries off until Mardi Gras. If the elves are lucky, they can find him and drag him back north, but really, it’s not worth the effort. The important […]

Somewhere, it all stopped making sense
Somewhere, it all stopped making sense

Bear with me, this actually is Christmas-related. For one, she’s trapped in a glass dome, which is something of a gift in and of itself. That means the incessant jingling from the bells sewn permanently to her hands is at least somewhat muted, and as we all know, the only thing more annoying than a […]

Bukakke Angel and other failures
Bukakke Angel and other failures

I have to respect her composure. Not everyone would be this mellow after having been thoroughly doused with four or five quarts of…well, let’s just think the best of the Heavenly Choir and assume it was whipping cream. The amazing part is how clean she managed to keep her head and hair. She must have […]

Incomplete nativities
Incomplete nativities

“Well, you don’t know, Mary, maybe it’s part of his divine plan. The whole ‘ineffable’ thing.” “No…no, that can’t be right. The angel was very clear, he said I was going to give birth to child, the king of the house of Jacob, ruler of the earth, son of the Most High, and in some […]

Happy Columbus Day!!
Happy Columbus Day!!

What, I missed it? Well, poopies. I never notice the big CD until like a week afters anyway. So, from Spain, to you, take this pile of balsa and construction paper, pretend it’s commemorative. Thankfully, most modern ship sails are made out of a durable nylon/poly blend, not from pages torn out of those little […]