The first wise man came from the east, bearing gold. The second came bearing gifts of frankincense. The third…the third was just kind of annoying. Knocked over the manger, bounced up and down on everything, generally disrupted things. He was asked to leave, but at that point, the mood had been totally ruined, and they had […]
Be easy on him, it’s been a hard holiday. After Christmas, he just likes to curl up in a nice, snow-encrusted gutter and sleep the 10.2 million sherries off until Mardi Gras. If the elves are lucky, they can find him and drag him back north, but really, it’s not worth the effort. The important […]
It’s so sweet that the common people feel they can have a holiday, too. As long as they have it out of sight. In fact, we’ll give them Christmas. Let them have their fleeting moment of happiness, their “jollies” if you will. The better sorts will have to content themselves with oxygen. “Did you hear something?” […]
I still don’t know what weirdly mechanized Santa did. I know that he had a spigot in his mouth–though really, don’t we all?–and LEDs for eyes, but short of actually finding a pair of double-A batteries in my back pocket and charging him up, there was just no way of knowing. Did he cough up […]
Happy new year! Celebrate it with these vintage, “the last time the new year was cool” shoes! If you’re shopping in November or December, It’s not only theoretically, but in fact actually, possible at any Goodwill, to make a complete outfit–even including underwear and socks–that’s from Y2K. It’s the date that never goes out […]
We were pleased this year to find Christmas available in convenient 12 and 18-oz bottles. This first one, though, is not bottled Christmas. It’s bottled starfruit. But with the lovely (?) red peppers that look like a cross section of a cow with really bad capillary seeding, I think the stars are quite festive. One […]
Because that was when the robot Santas began their attack. At first we thought they were some sort of strange new toy, the way they bobbled around the table, running into things, occasionally their heads falling off and rolling onto the floor. Then they brought out the tiny silver disintegration rays. Which, surprisingly, wasn’t the […]
Whoever decided that the anthropomorphizing of small flower pots was a really great craft idea has my vote for visionary artist of the year. I have to say, I can’t see it. But every year when Christmastime goes around, there they are, saying “see? SEE? Flower pots can have a soul too! Flower pots can […]
Bear with me, this actually is Christmas-related. For one, she’s trapped in a glass dome, which is something of a gift in and of itself. That means the incessant jingling from the bells sewn permanently to her hands is at least somewhat muted, and as we all know, the only thing more annoying than a […]
I saw this, and sniggered for 30 seconds. My partner had to patiently explain to me that it wasn’t actually funny. I don’t care. The world must know. Secretly, snowmen are the reason for the season. They know the truth. Sure, there’s lip-service made to the messiah, but they know who the TRUE dark masters […]