Y oy to you too, sir! And a merry oy to us all! What would have been REALLY awesome is if the nativity set on the floor contained an even smaller nativity set. And inside THAT nativity set was another one, until finally, you got to a tiny, nearly invisible nativity set, but instead of […]
“The crystal…the crystal tells me that you will eat…too much! And your children will…will…will fight over small things, like who got more little chocolates. The crystal shows me much of the holiday, much that might otherwise go unseen…you did not buy enough batteries for all the toys that will beep and make noise, and will […]
Unfortunately I already used the photo of the “Have Yourself a Racially Pure Christmas” Holy Family, or I’d lead with them. Instead, I’ll just go with these faceless marshmallow simulacra: “How many times is this going to happen THIS festive holiday season, Mary?” “He was right here. We were playing, the lamb came over, it […]
I don’t know about you, but in my family we’ve kept alive the proud tradition of the Christmas Stick. Great-grandpa brought the Christmas stick over from England. He would always say that some things went beyond “naughty and nice,” and would leave the Christmas Stick leaning by the stockings. It did keep the noise down […]
(Well, two horrid nativities and some filler.) I took a lot of photographs of nativities this year–and really, every year. I don’t know why–the little kids seem to enjoy rearranging them, shuffling pieces around, and I do think the sight of the entire holy family gathered ‘roud a manger to gaze upon a kid half […]
That one line, “Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,” has started quite a little industry. The Christmas market is endlessly reduplicative–there’s only a finite number of symbols that really say “Christmas,” so you have to really milk every new noun you have. So, merry christmouse. This isn’t the best photo, but Autosharpen […]
Angels! They come in swarms of thousands around Christmas, drifting in clumps through card shops, idling in Wal-Mart like flocks of chickens, and, of course, hanging out on the most celestial shelves in Goodwill. I’ve seen more headless Santas than any one man should, but there’s something whimsically tragic about a maimed angel that never […]
You’d think that, if you used a flimsy little trinket your aunt bought at Hallmark to break open a brazil nut, at LEAST the thing should give you some sort of error message before the top of its head flies off. So…share a moment of silence for the fallen victims of brazil nuts. And then […]
At least, I think they’re reindeer, I’m not totally sure. This might be reindeer. It’s almost certainly covered in ancient glue and the vague scent of dust and cinnamon oil, which does not match my experience of reindeer as a species, but then, they aren’t supposed to have glowing red noses either, and that shows […]
This particular Santa is here to remind us that everything’s easier when your head is mostly hollow and made out of plastic. He’s kind of a shlep, but that’s okay, he’s mellow. And maybe his face is eroding away, but that’s okay, if his eyes finally go, maybe they’ll finally give him a little time […]