And then there were all theseÂ mystery bottles on the shelf at Savers. I didn’t know what was in them. I knew what wasÂ on them, it looked like someone had pressed strands of husky fur into sealing wax. Not sure why, it seemed an unnecessaryÂ feature.
Step one: cover bottle in a thin layer of powdered baby poop.
Step three: profit.
We still don’t know what step two is.
I never did actually work out what these were for. There’s sort of a religious idea, with the sacred heart and all, but the text is sort of out of place. I mean, it could have been “Go to church/and join/a committee.” Not some sort of weird arts-and-crafts exhortation of slack.
The little “sacred heart” seals really, really look like big, wet sloppy bottle-kisses.
They were, sadly, empty, devoid of content, of rest, of home. They did have little funny bead things glued onto them like antennae, but they didn’t do much to improve the bottle experience, or even hail the mother ship. Le sigh.
Savers on Burnet and North Loop, Austin