It’s not what you’re thinking. Well, I don’t actually know what you’re thinking, it wasn’t what I was thinking. It will, however, require a bigger fig leaf.
Maybe what you were thinking was, “Why don’t third-world countries use giraffes to store their surplus giant carrots?” In which case Goodwill is, as always, thinking right along with you, and perhaps you should go found a new religion or something, because your talents areÂ wasted on reality.
Of course the obvious problem is that nobody will ever find a perfectly-matched pair of slightly smaller giraffe-scale carrots. And then theÂ feng shui of the entire thing is totally off.
The poor thing’s never going to be able to make it under the height clearance of the bridge on 183 and Loyola. Because of the carrot, not because of the giraffe thing. As everyone knows, the 290 bridge over Loyola was designed specifically to meet standard government giraffe specs.
I don’t know what giraffes eat when they’re trapped in magical bubbles of pure force energy. Slime, probably.
Most of the time, when you pull a single detail into tight focus and make fun of it, it’s because the overall…thing…isn’t actually funny. But this one is. This clearly escaped from Hobby Lobby’s “Sale” table with a vengeance. The artistic director of some mid-sized, presumably Asian, company woke from his fever dream and screamed GIRAFFES!!!!
Then, in a saner voice, clarified, “There should be four giraffes. Two of them should be trapped within a crystal globe, facing away from each other. The other two should be facing away from a smaller crystal globe, creating the effect of an infinite regress of slightly embarrassed giraffes. And then the entire thing should be mounted on feet of the purest gold, and then given a carriage of wicker to carry it triumphantly through the gates of heaven when the angels break the sixth seal, the plague of bad taste. Lo, it shall be, in the eve of the last generation, this sign shall appear at Goodwill, for all to know that it is the final days.”
Remember: if it isn’t truly repulsive, add a thick layer of fake gold.
Impaled on Carrot from Goodwill on Parmer and 183, Giraffe Ooze-globe Goodwill on 290 and I35, Austin
One Response to “Giraffes? Giraffes.”
And I thought gilded French Baroque mantelclocks were bad,