Whatever holiday you celebrate, we figure this should just about cover it. And if your particular variation on the “celebrating the light on the darkest night” festival involves giant beavers, well, this one’s for you. And, probably, only you.
When I saw this, I wanted to buy it and run it over to the Unitarian Universalist church. It would be the definitive winter altarpiece. It has…everything. The only reason I didn’t was that I was worried that I might have to explain it to someone. And I didn’t think I could. Or, if I could, they would ask me to wear nice warm jacket that fastens in the back, and then I couldn’t work the camera.
Santa! He represents the true meaning of, well, whatever the heck that is. He brings gifts to unsuspecting bears, sneaking up behind them and muttering “ho ho ho” to see how high they jump. Then he sticks a candle under a cow’s tail. This probably symbolizes something about lighting a candle of hope in the deepest dark of night. Or seeing if cow farts explode. Which is really only seasonally appropriate if you do it to “Jingle Bells,” and then it’s comedy gold on Youtube.
“It’s Christmas, son! Tonight, you can have all the ice cubes you want!”
Really, beavers in the nativity I can handle. It’s a good, sturdy, hardworking animal, and Jesus was probably something of a carpenter in his day, so there’s a connection there. And it only makes sense that they’d wear their nice shirts, after all, it’s Christmas, a Messiah might be showing up, you’d want to look your best, in case he starts unloading salvation or peace or Best Buy gift certificates or something
I’m not following the reindeer though. I don’t think he was in Mark OR John. You’d think he’d be in some of the carols. “We Three Kings of Orient and a Reindeer are” doesn’t feature prominently in the songbook. I know this. Nor does the story go “they came bearing gold, and frankincense, and a Playstation 3.” Although it would have been an unusually foresighted bible story if it had. Even John only mentions the Xbox 360 in passing, and that’s as a liturgical device.
Mary and Joseph watched Jesus pretty much 24-7, lest his eyes be pecked out by GIANT BIRDS. That happened a lot in the desert. That’s why the shepherds were watching the flocks by night. Giant birds. Flocks of them. It was…terrible.
Whatever you’re celebrating this week, have an excellent one!
Goodwill on 183 and Metric, Austin
2 Responses to “Merry…whatever!”
OMG!!! I am reading this at 4 am and I am laughing so hard I think I woke up the whole house!!! What a fitting and true description of the “season”!
This has me laughing so hard I am going to begin composing my own nativity scene as soon as the thrift stores open. I just need a creche and some random animals. I’ll also have to remember to write an epic commentary explaining why The Simpsons cast is in a manger in the first place.
Have a merry one!