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Return of Shelfpig

Oh, Shelfpig. You are one of the great constants in my life, like shell art, like high school oil paintings, like the angry glares from Annette, who always seems to be straightening the brick-a-broke section when I’m innocently taking photos of a mutant Virgin Mary. I do not understand you. I do not WANT to understand you, that might take away the magic. But I admire your good cheer, and your fine variety of colors.

8-7-11GW2222Shelfpig2

My current theory–and as I said, I do NOT want to be disillusioned of this–is that somehow, they ward off evil, through their extreme cuteness. That at some point, there was an army of demons, or Europeans, or the Black Death, and a small population in Mexico, maybe Coyoacán or Tlalpujahua or something, was spared because of their pigs’ knowing, sidelong glances, or they were able to survive the Starving Times because they’d hidden their porklings under large daisies. Now, every spring, each family paints their own Shelfpig, and in a spirit of great pomp and ceremony, donates it to Goodwill.

I love my theory. And I love Shelfpig.

8-7-11GW2222Shelfpig1

What dimples these pigs have. “I may be full of bacon, but if you eat me, you’ll never see these cute cheeks again! You can only enjoy ham once, but let me live and you can see these rosy little dimples every morning. Every morning! Think of it!”

8-7-11GW2222Shelfpig3

Erk. On her–or him, I don’t know if Shelfpigs are gender-coded by color–the dimples aren’t working for me. They look more like blemishes, and the nose has a sort of “I lost my rag so let me polish your shoes with my nose, sir” thing happening. Maybe these are better appreciated from a distance. But look! She’s looking up at you! Shelfpig LOVES you, and respects you, too. Buy Shelfpig. It may be all the respect you get this week…and maybe it’s still enough.

Goodwill on 2222 and Lamar, Austin

September 30, 2011   TV's Jacob
Uncategorized aminals, shelfpig

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One Response to “Return of Shelfpig”

  1. Reply
    Alice / 30 Sep 2011 8:08am #

    Awww, I love shelfpig too. Nice side-eye on the blue one!

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