It’s been a while since we’ve talked about puppies. Let’s fix that. Let’s have a puppy moment.
Are you going to eat that? Are you? Maybe you should just put that plate down. You know you want to. Maybe just a few fries. Nice and low, like on the floor. Don’t worry, they’ll be fine. Would this face lie?
That’s exactly like what my dog looks like when I go roller skating while holding two roast turkeys. Or a pretzel. Or really anything vaguely edible. The careful placement between two glasses is a clever camoflage…put the food on me…I am really a dinner plate, I only LOOK like a dog…and to be fair, not much like a dog…
Now, onward to squirrels.
This squirrel is making me distinctly uncomfortable. I’m trying to imagine what it would look like if it was actually in use. First, it’d be on its side, and filled with nuts. This may be, on the surface, pretty much squirrel “dream come true,” but they’re not inside him like “oh, that was a great bowl of nuts, what’s for dessert? More nuts? Don’t mind if I do!” but inside like “scoop the internal cavity out, fill with almonds.” Not pleasant.
And then you’d ram two pecan-winklers and a pair of second-rate, chrome-covered pliers into him. It’s like Excalibur on a tiny, comical scale. “Whosoever pulleth out pecan-winkler ‘Excalibur’ from this squirrel shall reign as king…of nuts.”
And yet, somehow, he keeps smiling. And unless his teeth are foam-rubber, that’s got to hurt. I admire his dedicated to mirth even when his teeth are shoved widdershin by an uncrackable acorn. There may be something…special…mixed with his nuts. I hope it’s codine.
Dreadfully focused dog from Goodwill on Stassney and Manchacha. Weirdly happy squirrel from Goodwill on Parmer near I35.