It’s the latest drink in Miami, and you heard it here–“Sunrise on the Beach,” a fruity concoction of an unnatural jelly-like substance and discolored sand, redefining “drink” (and, indeed, “beach”) for the 21st Century.Â Tasty! One part jello-shot, one part…uh…sand. Maybe sugar. Rim the top of the glass with it, dump it in by the scoop. If your dentist has given you the go-ahead on this already, throw in a few shells for variety, you’ve got 32 teeth, give or take. It’s time to give.
This is what happens when the local craft store puts out an ill-advised pamphlet on a trendy new craft. Gel candles all the rage? Make your own. Heck, you don’t even have to buy the darn pamphlet, thanks to the internets. But, as we have all learned by now, you can’t buy taste on the internet. Lurid yellow and hot pink may have worked in the 80’s. Many things worked in the 80’s. Shoulder pads worked in the 80’s. Parachute pants allegedly worked, I don’t remember the 80’s so well because of the side effects of Ghostbusters breakfast cereal. But I’m sure they would have approved of this candle.
At least I think it’s a candle. Someone de-wicked it, which had catastrophic effects throughout the candle’s fragile ecosystem.
Actually, that’s kind of cute, it’s like the little clam is making a herculean effort to rid his sea-bed of a massive pink jellyfish. Go, little clam! Free your brethren! It’s all down to you, brave mollusc.
A survivor’s tip: do NOT stare too long at the spray of yellow sand on the side of the glass. And do NOT attempt to adjust the color-balance and saturation on this image to make the colors “pop” more, because the monitor might. These things we learn only through experience.
Savers, South Lamar near 290, Austin