Unsure. But definitely shells.
Unsure. But definitely shells.

This might be a sea shell shrew. It might be a rabbit, or a dog, or it might be Franklin Pierce, the 14th president of the United States, although if that were the case it really needs to have a sharper nose.Or any nose. Or any defining facial features whatsoever. At best, we could say […]

Plenty of fish on the shelf
Plenty of fish on the shelf

Seriously, shell artist. You balked at the hat? the single easiest part of a fisherman to replace with, I don’t know, a half clam, a cowrie, one of those little spiralling winkle things with the points. Make him a pretty shell princess, or a shell monk, or whatever. There are so many options. But you […]

Just stand still.
Just stand still.

Maybe it won’t notice us. I have never been to Waikiki, nor have I seen their shell concert. However, given the wide-eyed, shocked stares of the musicians, and the apparent decapitation of their first alto, it sounds kind of terrifying. By the intermission, most of the players had already lost their hats in a gale […]

John 11:35: And Jesus danced.
John 11:35: And Jesus danced.

Okay, so MOST of Jesus’s weekend was a total wash after that “dying on a cross” thing, and Saturday–which was the night He and the disciples would usually hit the clubs in Ephraim, because Mount Ion had the most awesome “Foam Night” party ever since Jesus got a little drunk and gave is “blessed are […]

Cone Shell Tragedies
Cone Shell Tragedies

So there’s a category of shell art which uses shells as the medium, rather than the message. I personally regard this as somewhat uninspired, because you can make anything by gluing cone shells to a plastic base. Go to the taxidermy store, get the right frame, and make yourself a shell art antelope. Please. I’d […]

Our Lady of One Huge Shell
Our Lady of One Huge Shell

I’m not sure what’s going on with the Next to New shop, which is normally a classy institution. This one looks, literally, like something the cat dragged in. In fact, you can still see the cat. You can see it saying, “what in the name of Fancy Feast was I thinking??” We might ask the […]

Let’s get some shells going here.
Let’s get some shells going here.

One of my bloggy friends politely reminded me that I have been neglecting the duties passed on to me by the secret Shell Art masters who control almost every coastal city. I would hate to anger them, because they give me lovely things like this. I don’t what it is, but it’s 1) from Corpus […]

A taste of summer
A taste of summer

Or at least a Friday morning trip to the beach, a chance to escape to the salty breeze, hot sand between your toes, the smell of tide and cocoa butter, sounds of wind, seagulls, and splashing swimmers. Not feeling it? Me neither. Because really, the summer’s not the summer and a beach isn’t a beach […]

Blessed lord of the barnacles
Blessed lord of the barnacles

We’re sort of having a collision of stories here. One part “Station 12, Jesus Dies Upon the Cross.” One part “Venus on the Half Shell.” I’m really not having a problem with the collision of imagery, so much as I am with the three-foot-high barnacles. You’d need an awful lot of lemon butter to make […]

A Game of Shells
A Game of Shells

I just want everyone to know, this post is entirely the fault of L. A., who demanded shell art. Blame her. L. A. blogs about shells, and apparently wants to see them humiliated. The game had gotten intense. The four players were well into the third hour of the game. They were out of clams, […]