This July, Thrifthorror took it to the road with a two-day, all-expense-incurred trip to exotic San Antonio! We discovered many things. We discovered that San Antonio’s thrift shops are BIG! Texas Thrift Shops are amazing thrift fantasy wonderlands, with, like a Time-Life record collection, cast-off crap from the 60s, 70s and 80s. We discovered that two full days of thrift shopping can strain the strongest relationship. We discovered we LIKED hybrid cars, bless their fuel-efficient hearts. And we discovered that there is ONE thrift shop in San Marcos. Seriously, what’s up? Don’t you people ever get rid of anything?

We also discovered the North American Snub-Nosed Mallard.

Nearly driven to extinction by well-meaning plastic surgeons, the snub-nosed mallard was known for both its distinctive call, and for its unfortunate predilliction for drowning while trying to scull the lake floor for food.

It was also known for its perpetually surprised expression.

Oh, for the days of my youth, when the San Marcos river teemed with these beautiful, maybe a little embarrassing, waterfowl. How we’d laugh when they struggled to catch a fish, finally succeeded, then sputtered in frustration as the fish would fall out of its mouth.

They did a little better once they learned to eat with a fork and steak knife, not a lot of birds can do that, but necessity is the mother of table manners.

Many children grow up now without ever having seen a snub-nose. And they’re surely the poorer for it. Now, they only turn up once in a great while at Goodwill, and their noble cry of “Fnark, fnark!” no longer fills the air.

Next: San Antonio!

Snub-nosed mallard found at Highway 80 Goodwill, San Marcos, Texas