So, I was puttering through Savers, and I saw a rabbit. The strange thing was, it was weirdly faceless, a blank staring thing like out of a “Doctor Who Easter Special” or something, where hordes of faceless rabbits animated by concrete space Mods attack the planet (or something equally absurd). It was, in fact, a picture frame, but seeing it all pictureless was a little scary, unpleasant, faintly surreal. Not unlike high school cafeteria pizza, possibly a little less edible.

I thought “yes, this would be a lot cuter if there was a picture in it.” Obviously, that was the designer’s intent, why not honor them? It’s not meant to be faceless. Give it a mouth. Give it eyes, let it see. Give it a nose, let it twitch.

In view of that impassioned plea for anthropomorphics,  just one face was appropriate.

Heeeere’s Johnny!!

But this opened up a whole world of possibilities.

How about eternally semi-young quasi-diva, Cher? Or gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson? Those would be some AWESOME easter eggs. The colors would be fantastic. And the candies…well, just don’t eat the little red ones.

Or take it down a political angle with “Hope” Obama, and “The Gipper”?

I’m personally in love with bunny Reagan. I would have totally voted for ANY candidate in a fluffy bunny suit.

Hi, Chris. Your cold, deathlike stare is really impinging on the spirit of this festive upcoming holiday. Oh, I fear you, and I would fear you as a rabbit, too. The bunny suit would mean you had plans.

How about fresh-faced adolescent teen heartthrob, Justin Beiber, and for maximum contrast, gaunt writer of the weird and fantastic, the always horse-like H.O.P. Lovecraft?

Or maybe…plumber’s crack?

Would YOU like to Be the Bunny? Let us know, and the management will add it to our Easter Rabbitacular!

Savers on South Lamar, Austin

Oh, DP, what will we learn at your feet? Quite a bit, actually. We understand DP’s been studying basic forces.

Firktion stops ears. Stackfirk!

Not to pick apart a second-grader’s science homework, really, that’s almost cheating. But for the low price of 45 (cents? I hope so) you can have a piece of America’s political history.

Meet Borko Boma.

Borko has MY vote. A Democrat with fists like that? Crappers! He’s the Mexican Masked Wrestler of Pennsylvania Avenue! And check out that shiny, shiny dome. For people that want their nation AND their president indivisible, Borko’s one smooth unit.

And the capri pants really work for him!

The tie AND the little carnation is a nice touch, but I don’t think I’ve seen the president in a cute little short sleeve body-and-head stocking. It’s kind of scary–like he’s going to crush you with his mighty Right Fist, and then possibly noogie you to death. I’ve had dreams like that.

Opinion–is that a big happy smile, or a “Kilroy Was Here” style hanging nose? You be the judge.

And as long as we’re overanalyzing–fetching designer necktie, or infinity sign? Do people look eastward and point, and say “Look! It’s a flash of lightning from the left! Stronger than an economic crash, within acceptably broad parameters defining recovery! It is…Borko Boma!!!”

I think if the Dems floated someone in a head-concealing unitard with a lump of chewing gum on his chest, spinning around swinging his fists, they may actually finally win the overwhelming “crazy Americans” vote. That’d be a fun election.

“Mr. Boma, There are new economic realities out there that everyone in this hall and across this country understands that there are going to have to be some choices made. Health policies, energy policies, and entitlement reform, what are going to be your priorities in what order?”

“WHEEEEeeeee!!!!” *wooshwooshwooshCRASH (tinkle)*

“Dammit, somebody catch him before he scares the caterers…”

Texas Thrift on Nacogdoches, San Antonio

Update! Check out this Borko Boma sighting!

On the plus side, I’m pretty sure this isn’t Obama. Not 100%, but like 70%. If it WAS Obama, I could start to deconstruct this properly. As it is, I do not know. The image did not come with an answer key, even if you tried to read it upside down.

So, free-associate with me. Are you seeing the Twin Towers and 9/11? Maybe. The image swirls off into whorls of nothing, like smoke rising from a disaster. The verticality of the fingers lends a tower-like aspect, but it’s NOT a building, but a guy with a big toothy smile, and terrorists have just flown two planes into his coiffure. So, that may just throw the tower idea out the window.

Then there’s the hand. His hand? A universal hand? A hand raised in patriotic fervor, willing to take a pledge to better the United States? A hand melting out of the haunting regularity of…uh…maybe a TV screen…holding patriotism in its palm like tinsel. The MEDIA! This is about the media, who are…on fire! No, no, that’s not it.

Um. I’ve got it. The NOTHING is coming to devour all of Fantasia, starting with its cheerfully insincere senator. And Atreyu has been sent to find a human child to make an unbiased vote so that President Moonchild can successfully pass an energy bill.

Really sorry about the image quality in this photograph, but there’s only so much Adobe Photoshop can do, and clearly, it’s done enough today.

Goodwill on 2222 and Lamar, Austin

To celebrate Independence Day, this mischievous little merry-andrew has decapitated Founding Father and statesman Benjamin Franklin! Such a rapscallion! Last year he dressed up in the skin of Thomas Paine for a comedic reading of The Age of Reason. Comedy gold!

Don’t make eye contact. This one is so far down in the “Clowns Aren’t Funny” bin that the grease paint down there has solidified into a chalk-like layer of anti-comedy. That is not a face I’d want to see in a dark alley, not someone I’d want coming after me with a seltzer bottle. I’d expect to see, like, my pet cat floating in the bottle or something.

Why he’s japing around with the head of Ben Franklin, we don’t know. Maybe it went with his comedy version of Lincoln’s hat. And gods only know what he’s holding in that bag behind his back. Every pair of George Washington’s teeth? Or just the first pair?

Aand, from the Dubious Off-Shore Patriotism department, bobble-headed Uncle Sam.

Enjoy your picnics, happy Independence Day, and God Bless Amercia!

Awful the Clown, who is probably some sort of socialist, found at Thriftland on Stassney near I35, Austin. Uncle Sam at Goodwill on Metric and 183