Behold. Behold the myconid horror that is craft.

The last time I saw something like that, I was a fourth-level barbarian and it wiped out the entire party. We were giggling the entire time, it was like Hunter S. Thompson’s “The Hobbit,” but we never forgot that game. Particularly the way the bard’s head, like, separated from his body and floated above the battle field, and the way his music looked. So beautiful.

Anyway. Mushroom people.

Here we see Mycki the mushroom going through magical leaf mulch forest, past the discounted gray woods, and through the enchanted snailgate. Where does the snailgate take Mycki, you might ask? No-where good. Probably some place with more mushrooms.

Mycki was a very happy mushroom. Or, maybe he was a sad mushroom. Or possibly deeply ambivalent. Or fraught with an overwhelming sense of his own mortality. We don’t know. Maybe you know? You mustn’t get it wrong, though, because when Mycki is an angry mushroom, he will beat you with his very large, crushing fists, and drag you away to his mushroom lair for his dark mushroom lust. And that is, really, a different picture book, with different pictures.

I’m not even sure what I’m looking at anymore. But if it was in my fridge, I’d probably have to buy a new fridge and get Montgomery Wards to cart off the old one.

Oh craft, what hast thou wrought?

Goodwill on Metric and 183, Austin

Strange pagan celebration, or ash tray? You be the judge. I’m holding onto “a joyful celebration of the feminine, eternal and in endless motion,” but I’m not sure. It COULD be four sisters celebrating in a joyful explosion of estrogen and Sarah McLachlan MP3s. On the other hand, you could rest a stogie quite well between their shoulders, and not get a bit of ash on your carpet. And symbolically, a cigar, and four dancing sisters, you’d really have the whole yin-yang thing all in one go.

I like the stylized forms, the minimalist approach to shape, how the artist expertly suggests the human arms and heads without adding any more detail than we need. I am slightly less enamored of the “what happens when you feed seagulls ten pounds of milk chocolate? Let’s find out.” hairstylings. That is an unfortunate brown, and that is an unfortunate splatter zone.

Hmm. From this angle, I’m not thinking “endless circle dance” so much as “four chicks in a hot tub.” Which is good. She’ll want to wash that stuff off soon.

…And then, tragically, the Thursday full moon ritual was interrupted when the High Priestess’s face melted and ran into the ceremonial basin. But at least they got the caramel seagull poop off the acolyte. That made it a little better.

Make-up by Tammy Faye, ladies. Her secret is to use the 402-1006 XLG “Drop Flower” tip from Wilton Cake Decorating’s “Springtime” catalog.

Goodwill on 2222 and Lamar, Austin

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that this is at least somewhat representational.

Maybe it’s all a bit man-in-the-moon, but from at least one angle this really wants to be human. And thankfully fails. Or else the entire thing turns into a horrible version of Pinocchio (or worse, Pygmalion), where after the Blue Fairy gives him life, the poor thing limps and spasms around through 60 pages of terror-filled expressions and false pity. “Some day I’ll be a real boy! As soon as the Blue Fairy gives me properly attached arms, and a face. I’d really like a face. And maybe legs where they’d be useful. Oh, and maybe junk, but I’m guessing the ladies aren’t being a path to my door like this Thursday, so, whatever.”

You be the judge:

Beatrice the Human Sea Cucumber on a lunch break after her fourth show of the day?

Tantric Levitation for Dummies?

Capybara desperately climbing a tree to avoid being eaten by a boa constrictor?

The ultimate evolution of mankind, a creature formed of glistening black basalt, noble and distant and slightly microcephalic?

Maybe we’ll never know.

Savers on South Lamar near 290