Klaatu…barada…nikto…
Klaatu…barada…nikto…

Once in a while, the skies part, a shaft of light descends from the heavens, distantly you hear trumpets, and there’s a handmade bowl covered with creepy aliens at the Salvation Army. That’s only happened a few times, but finally, this time, I had a camera. Someone put a lot of work into this. A […]

Chafes, but it’s worth it
Chafes, but it’s worth it

The best part of this–indeed, the only good thing about this–is that when you come in for breakfast, you can slide into your seat, kicking back a yard from the kitchen table, and yell “GOAAAAALLL!!!” Which may be the most excitement you get out of the day, unless you eat breakfast in your skivvies, in […]

Right, one of those.
Right, one of those.

This is probably the best toy ever. Now, I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thking it to: “My god, where did he get that fabulous shirt?” Because demi-mimes in skin-tight leopard print are so hot right now. Or possibly you’re wondering why his hand is one weird, boneless flipper, and his other a massive-brick? […]

Second one this year, I swear.
Second one this year, I swear.

This was $6.99. I think my dog made something about half this size, but I didn’t put a $3.50 pricetag on it OR donate it to Goodwill, I threw mine away. In hindsight, it might have been the more ethical choice to donate it to Goodwill, but it would have been a whole extra trip, […]

Past the plains of Minas Sarnath, beyond the Gates of Kestra-Doon…
Past the plains of Minas Sarnath, beyond the Gates of Kestra-Doon…

If I knew what this was, I PROMISE I’d tell you. I have a suspicion that it was meant as either a jewelry tray or a way to serve onion rings. There’s a big gap there. But someone spent a lot of time on whatever the hell this is, so I assume they had a […]

I couldn’t help noticing that strange and unusual plant!
I couldn’t help noticing that strange and unusual plant!

Imagine going to the gardening store–it’s spring, you’re going to find some nice spreading groundcover, maybe a shrub for that bare patch in front of the window–and then, right where you’d expect to find a dwarf magnolia, you find a single claw stretched up to grab the sun like the very mouth of Fenris, its […]

Mardi Gras homunculus
Mardi Gras homunculus

It’s Mardi Gras. Everybody’s pretty darn liquored up, busy making decisions they’ll regret either tomorrow morning or for the next 18-25 years, depending. Swept away in the magic of the moment, a young swain meets the eye of a lady who catches his fancy. He, being the consummate gentleman, finds the choicest string of beads […]

Science! Or something like.
Science! Or something like.

Full disclosure: this is now sitting by my front door, and I occasionally challenge guests to figure out what’s going on in the artist’s mind. I thought it was some sort of “science vs religion” thing, but now, I’m not so sure. There’s a certain relentless schizophrenia at work that elevates it into the realm […]

Around day five, Christmas started to lose all meaning.
Around day five, Christmas started to lose all meaning.

Because that was when the robot Santas began their attack. At first we thought they were some sort of strange new toy, the way they bobbled around the table, running into things, occasionally their heads falling off and rolling onto the floor. Then they brought out the tiny silver disintegration rays. Which, surprisingly, wasn’t the […]

What exactly are we selling?
What exactly are we selling?

We seem to be in the realm of therapy projects. I’m not sure if we’re going up the road to self-actualization or downward toward a clash with internal demons and another evening with Michael Bolton. Or perhaps we’re exorcising some demons that have been bothering us since the late Fonda administration. But at least we’re […]