Technically they’re not cherubim. Cherubim are awesome angelic beast-things Putti are horrible pink lumps with wings. And the stuff they get up to around Valentine’s Day, it’s…just weird. like reenacting “The Drowning of Ophelia” with a horrible pedophilia/seafood vibe. What’s this? Some sort of beautiful woman/girl/boy/larva? Either way, s/he/it’s torpid and I’m armed. I could […]
I think I was joking about the shepherds and the angels singing “Be Thou Not Afraid!” Not this time. Be afraid. Be rather a lot afraid. This is from a little-known story–it’s in the Apocrypha, the Infancy Gospel of James actually–about the Miracle of the Empty Buckets. In my church we’d celebrate it usually on […]
I think we’ve been here before. Not precisely here, not at this physical address perhaps, but we’ve definitely been in this suburb, certainly this zip code, and, I think, possibly this street. If this were a duplex and not a blog post, I’d say we’d stopped by the “B” unit before, or maybe hung out […]
Maybe I should have saved this until Halloween? It’s so hard to tell. This is either a bud vase or a petrified, ancient mushroom, or just possibly unicorn poop. You can recognize unicorn poop because of the pale ghostly color, and of course the horn, although unicorn poop rarely if ever has whole peppercorns in […]
I’m pretty sure you haven’t seen one of these before. Whatever the heck it is. Wherever you’re supposed to put it, however you’re supposed to wear it, whatever appetizers you’re supposed to serve in it, you’re not prepared to face this on a Monday, so here it is. The jury is entirely out as to […]
“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of ROCK STAR!!” One part Statue of Liberty, one part “Alfred E. Neuman.” What, huddled masses worry? Not if they have Rock Star! It’s probably why they crossed the ocean in the first place. The designers of this fine chunk of plastic have taken a few liberties…ahah…with the original, but I […]
Epiphany! The day of god manifest on earth, the big show the Wise Men traveled quite some time for, wrapping up the Christmas story with all the bells and whistles and a chorus of angels and even children and animals. I want this to be a lovely tapestry to hang on the wall to celebrate […]
Mirror or candle. Either way. I will allow that nobody, not even Jesus, looks their best when they’re nailed to a two-by-four on a mountain somewhere and left to die. However, no amount of martyrdom warrants being forced to be a B- in Intro to Chandlering. Or, maybe, Jesus was actually a hideous golem made […]
Part cheerleader, part tentacular monster from beyond space. Nothing struts the team colors like a shambling eldritch horror. And what better sports victory than to see your enemies flee the field, gibbering and soiling themselves with terror? Yes, granted, you have to  sacrifice a referee to them on the quarters and cross-quarters, but only during football season, […]
I can’t help but notice we haven’t had any kittens here in a while. Frankly the kittens probably appreciate the time off. From the “adopt me, put me out of my misery” section, right next to tupperware. This is the Victorian chimney sweep of amateur paint job cats. There is nothing right with him. The […]