LET THERE BE….LIPS!
LET THERE BE….LIPS!

Michael Rennie was ill the day the earth stood still… Just a little kiss for Valentine’s day. Because I love you. You know who you are. And you should be afraid. So…very…afraid. I’d be curious to know if this was the photographer’s girlfriend. Or boyfriend, those could be drag lips. It’s really hard to tell […]

Watermelon Angel
Watermelon Angel

It’s so awkward…you’re getting ready for the big night, you’ve picked your best dress–the one that makes you look like “Miss Corn Huskers Hand Lotion 2012” and stapled yourself to the best watermelon slice in town, and you hear his horn honking outside–hope he rented a limo, because this lady’s watermelon doesn’t fit in a […]

Mrs. Mouse
Mrs. Mouse

It’s not that this is particularly horrible. It is, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a delicate assault on taste, not an in-your-face violation of both ethics and artistic sensibility. It’s that, for all her anthropomorphication, grandma mouse has no legs. She’s a mouseloaf, slice her up for cat sandwiches. What’s worse than having an […]

Artworks by Kathy
Artworks by Kathy

In the interest of preserving Kathy’s identity and not subjecting her to an event of 867-5309 proportions, I’ve deleted the picture of Kathy’s logo and phone number–I wouldn’t want to subject Kathy to the full brunt of Thrifthorror’s readership, that’s like three or four calls. She says that “Artworks by Kathy” is in McAllen, Texas, […]

Combating the Childhood Obesity Epidemic
Combating the Childhood Obesity Epidemic

I don’t know, this seems like enabling behavior. If your delightful little child is so terribly round, so perfectly ovoid that she has lost the ability to use her legs, and has to be perambulated about in a basket, you probably shouldn’t encourage that. “Georgette…I’m sorry, oh so sorry, but we went down to the […]

Da Bears
Da Bears

Bears are kind of the “Stairway to Heaven” of the craft world. Everybody tries it once, and there’s a big sign over the craft department at Wal-Mart that says “No Bears.” Which is insincere because they also have bear-making kits. For the record, I’m like 90% confident that neither of these bears came from a […]

Sad and hideous
Sad and hideous

Late night, inĀ  the thrift store, they tell stories–stories like the headless horseman, or like the headless horse, or the headless, armless football player, who was technically a headless armless football-less football player, and might have actually been playing a different game entirely. Sometimes, they say, if you listen real close, you can still hear […]

Happy Independence Day!
Happy Independence Day!

Please stand and say the pledge of allegiance to the shirt. I have to assume this was yanked off some poor teacher. Oh how she must have struggled. “No! NO! It’s educational!” It was probably freaking out the third graders–the way Mrs. Klapham had Uncle Sam staring at them from over each boob, his tangled […]

Ten angels…anging…
Ten angels…anging…

Angels! They come in swarms of thousands around Christmas, drifting in clumps through card shops, idling in Wal-Mart like flocks of chickens, and, of course, hanging out on the most celestial shelves in Goodwill. I’ve seen more headless Santas than any one man should, but there’s something whimsically tragic about a maimed angel that never […]

I love you dead flowers much
I love you dead flowers much

This piece is overall improved by the price tag. We are still wandering around the vast junk shelves of the SVDP’s near 620 and I35. You will never find a more wretched hive of scraps and millinery. The heart above was one more piece that sat, gathering more dust, for three or four months before […]