Putti: Creepy as F***
Putti: Creepy as F***

Technically they’re not cherubim. Cherubim are awesome angelic beast-things Putti are horrible pink lumps with wings. And the stuff they get up to around Valentine’s Day, it’s…just weird. like reenacting “The Drowning of Ophelia” with a horrible pedophilia/seafood vibe. What’s this? Some sort of beautiful woman/girl/boy/larva? Either way, s/he/it’s torpid and I’m armed. I could […]

Your Christmas Creeper
Your Christmas Creeper

So there’s some elements of this that make no damned sense to me. The title of the original masterwork is “A Perfect Fit,” as you can plainly see here: This will be the last thing that makes sense for a little while yet. I’m just glad that one of the shepherds there can do my […]

That’s not an ox.
That’s not an ox.

Not to judge anybody’s Christmas celebration, but…I notice they waited until after unwrapping a few presents before getting to the big, struggling, whimpering one. You know, the one that was tied shut and had no air ventilation. Okay, I know this is supposed to be a cute, faintly Norman Rockwellian moment, but this would only […]

Jesus loves you…
Jesus loves you…

Even if. You know. There was that terrible accident. It’s hard to read the Savior’s expression here, although I am digging on the hair. On the one hand, total 60s American folk singer look, with that strangely leonine hair and beard. Although if you just kind of put your hand over the picture he looks […]

I don’t know what this is…
I don’t know what this is…

but I bet it makes a LOT of noise. I mean, look on it. It’s 1) a clown, 2) on a unicycle, 3) and I think it’s supposed to be a five-year-old. Think of the racket. I mean, it even looks like one of those little noisemaker rattles for new years, the ones made of […]

Yes I very much like ducks
Yes I very much like ducks

JUDGE ME NOT. I am heir to empires, my ancestors for six generations pressed your ancestors’ faces gently but firmly into the mud so that they would not soil their boots in puddles. Really, they were exceptional boots, and faces can be washed. Totally worth the indignity and mudbubbles. You, of all people, will not […]

Scary Little Birthday Girl
Scary Little Birthday Girl

Everybody got together to celebrate Rosemary’s Baby’s tenth birthday today. Highlights include the candles on the cake flaring up like unholy torches, and the immurement of the cat. The children’s entertainer hired for the event┬ánever returned, but we found him on Craig’s List so there wasn’t a paper trail. No harm, no foul. Okay, really […]

BUTTS
BUTTS

Well, mostly. Some of this is really more groinal humor, but it’s the same broad category. This is how lawn gnomes sleep. It’s also how they look when they die. The difference is that when a lawn gnome dies his friends use him to plant a single daisy. Sometimes a sunflower for the bigger gnomes. […]

So happy. So very, very happy.
So happy. So very, very happy.

So I’ve been feeling a little guilty after last week’s embroidered “child burning in inferno” picture. It just left a weird note for me. To be fair, these ALSO weird me out, but at least they’re smiling. In fact, this first girl’s achieved a level of happiness attainable only through special surgical techniques. Thus, the […]

Needlepoint fail
Needlepoint fail

Nothing sells like children and animals. And I’m pretty sure this is either one or the other, but there’s a lot of swing between the extremes of that┬ápendulum. It may in fact be a tiny, beakless, plucked chicken in a bonnet. Chicken in a Bonnet. Now I have a name for my food trailer. Now […]