Poor Santa. At some point–probably when he was sliding down the chimney–his face came off. It doesn’t help that this particular Santa was made out of papier-mâché and bathroom grout (old bathroom grout, not that fancy new stuff from the tube). Or that he’s molding slightly, or formed from a single piece of ancient chewing […]
This…this is a useful metaphor. No matter how safe you feel in your pope-style force bulletproof bubble, even the one with the padded floor, the only sure thing is that we’ll all fall off our big brass hook–okay, it gets a little muddled, not sure what that means–and lose a leg. Maybe it’s behind the couch. […]
From her parapet high in the great tower of her Dream Castle she surveys all of her land, batteries included, batteries excluded, batteries not technically necessary. Broadly speaking, she is pleased with her domain, but once in a while her subjects displease her. And then, she makes an example of them. They’ll make a really cute […]
There are some word that you just never have the oppo to use in the singular form. This is a tong. This may be one of the most useless items I’ve ever seen at the Salvation Army, which is a pretty high bar. Not only have we lost our one unique selling proposition in some sort […]
Those eyes. Those “come-hither, then back away slowly” eyes. You could, seriously, cut yourself on those eyelashes. Drag queens look at them and say “…oh, that’s a bit much innit?” Of course, the eyelashes, and maybe the fun little “Bollywood dance move” pose, are the only things that are remotely fabulous about this little guy–the […]
Every time I see this image, I’m just a little bit disturbed by it. I know dogs pretty well, we occasionally go visit them at the humane society and take them for a walk, have three of them. Never once have I seen them balance their heads quite like this. There’s something missing here…like an […]
Even if. You know. There was that terrible accident. It’s hard to read the Savior’s expression here, although I am digging on the hair. On the one hand, total 60s American folk singer look, with that strangely leonine hair and beard. Although if you just kind of put your hand over the picture he looks […]
but I bet it makes a LOT of noise. I mean, look on it. It’s 1) a clown, 2) on a unicycle, 3) and I think it’s supposed to be a five-year-old. Think of the racket. I mean, it even looks like one of those little noisemaker rattles for new years, the ones made of […]
“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of ROCK STAR!!” One part Statue of Liberty, one part “Alfred E. Neuman.” What, huddled masses worry? Not if they have Rock Star! It’s probably why they crossed the ocean in the first place. The designers of this fine chunk of plastic have taken a few liberties…ahah…with the original, but I […]
Sound words from the old “Bloom County” comic strip: “Just don’t sneeze while flossing that upper cuspid.” Poor dragon. I bet it was quite a noise though, because, you know, fire breath. It would have gone, “Ah..AH..kerKABOOM,” and then he would have been totally like, “girl, did you see where the top part of my […]