Return of the Eyes
Return of the Eyes

I think we’ve been here before. Not precisely here, not at this physical address perhaps, but we’ve definitely been in this suburb, certainly this zip code, and, I think, possibly this street. If this were a duplex and not a blog post, I’d say we’d stopped by the “B” unit before, or maybe hung out […]

Yes I very much like ducks
Yes I very much like ducks

JUDGE ME NOT. I am heir to empires, my ancestors for six generations pressed your ancestors’ faces gently but firmly into the mud so that they would not soil their boots in puddles. Really, they were exceptional boots, and faces can be washed. Totally worth the indignity and mudbubbles. You, of all people, will not […]

Mouse of great angst
Mouse of great angst

The mouse is doing what we have all done: starring in his own private 80s teen movie. Only difference is, in real life the ending wasn’t written by John Hughes, you really could get dressed up in your best (rented) tux, stand outside her house with a boombox, and not get the girl–just lose your […]

Today there will be big-eyed kittens.
Today there will be big-eyed kittens.

The 60s did something to people. If you survived them,¬†apparently you started thinking big-eyed creatures–children, mostly, but dogs, some politicians, they even glued eyes to rocks because they weren’t big-eyed enough (or was that the 70’s? My bad.) Every time I think something is so absurd that is utterly doomed to die an unloved spinster, […]

Leo, your stars say bad hair day.
Leo, your stars say bad hair day.

Lions are, as I understand it, supposed to be majestic beasts of the Savannah; medieval scholars thought their appearance so strikingly human that they ennobled them, “king of the beasts.” This is not, not not not, one of those lions. This is the Yoda of lions. Tiny, twisted, wrinkled, enigmatic, and with a puppeteer’s hand […]

Genuinely creepy dog
Genuinely creepy dog

The 70s called. They said they could keep their dog. Frankly, it was scaring the big-eyed children, and had put the big-eyed cat off its Tender Vittles. Dog, or fungus? I ask myself that every day, but as it turns out, no, they’re supposed to smell like that. I don’t know that they’re supposed to […]

This little piggie….was SUPERMAN
This little piggie….was SUPERMAN

It’s time for our semi-quarterly visit from the Shelfpig! This pig is all things to all people. If you want danger, he’s a tiger. Look at them stripes. The mask, the dark paint around the eyes and…uh…snout. This pig is a pig of action, if you want him to be. And yet, he’s a pig […]

Minimalist bear
Minimalist bear

It’s kind of like a polar bear that started melting. There’s an old “Far Side” cartoon, “God Makes the Snake,” that shows the Big Man In The Sky rolling out snakes from clay. I guess he had some leftover clay. Squish squish…squish…”I guess that’s a bear…” This bear scares me. I’ve seen my fair share […]

The coyotes they have here
The coyotes they have here

Our thrift stores down in Austin are mildly infested with Coyote. We’re near the Southwest, with its rich supply of tacky tourist merchandise, and of course deep in the heart of Texas, with its rich supply of tacky tourists. So naturally, we get all the runoff. Most of them aren’t funny. This guy, he’s not […]

The birds fly in, the birds fly out
The birds fly in, the birds fly out

In the spirit of the original Moulin Rouge, we present a tiny version for tiny birds. There’s almost certainly a tiny opium den in the cranium of this thing, where wrens can go get, like, higher than an eagle or whatever it is that wrens do. Finches do not solicit the tiny elephant opium den, […]