You fool! You acephalic cretin! Can’t you get ANYTHING right?!?
What the hell kind of preschool did we send you to, anyway? I mean, left and right? Basic color theory? What kind of garbage is that? There’s only one thing that’s worth knowing in this world. One…simple…fact.
And you blew it.
If life was a pop quiz–no, strike that, life is a pop quiz, and you, kid, scored a D-.
I trust you’ll remember this next time.
I trust you’re going to have this TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD, but, like, in mirror letters, because otherwise it’d be like “on on on! ave sources senam gnol,” and that’s some kind of Latin-Chinese fusion cuisine, and you’d probably screw THAT up too.
I…I have no son.
Take this. Take this flash card. Learn it. Don’t come back to me until you’re DONE learning it, for crissake. I need a beer. Should have had that vasectomy, is all I’m saying…kids will only disappoint you.
Texas Thrift on I35 and 51st, Austin