Epiphany! The day of god manifest on earth, the big show the Wise Men traveled quite some time for, wrapping up the Christmas story with all the bells and whistles and a chorus of angels and even children and animals. I want this to be a lovely tapestry to hang on the wall to celebrate the close of the season. But it’s not.
Basically it’s where you put your butt.
Did someone, somewhere, need a special Epiphany chair? I’m having a hard time imagining the context for that one. “Come over here, little girl, and set in Balthazar’s lap! Tell the magi what you want for Christmas! But it doesn’t matter, because you’re getting frankincense!”
It’s amazing how each leg, each portion, is just covered with Christmoid iconography. And it stands to reason that you’re going to be pressing your bum against the holy family somehow, but it saddens me how the flight out of Egypt is so very close to someone’s primary output port.
Let’s wrap up with something genuinely ghastly.
Savers, for those of you that don’t follow the Austin thrift scene like it was “Breaking Bad,” just opened a new location in Cedar Park, over near Lakeline Mall. It’s huge. And it welcomed me with open arms. Oh yes.
The only thing this is missing is a tiny, malformed grublike Jesus. I’m not sure what’s wrapped itself around Joseph’s face–it looks like tree roots–but Mary’s got a bad case of bowling ball head. I’m not sure what Mary’s holding there, it looks a bit like her Immaculate Dishtowel. Or maybe the world’s biggest piece of chewing gum.
Have some shame, Joseph. Trim that pile of peat moss you call a beard. You’ll never get any serious home building contracts like that.
Poor Mary. Mary, and her funnel-mouth. Once again, Christmas catches someone in an endless scream. It must have been fun making her head…just roll a ball of clay into a ball. Impale on the tip of an ice cream cone, or maybe wrap entire face around point of #2 Pencil. Paint pink. Done.
Mmm, hair like kelp. God sure can pick ’em.
Joseph having the bad case of noodle-arm that he does, maybe they’re a perfect match. Macaroniarm and bowling face. Made for each other, and for the millenia.
Nativichair from Goodwill on 183 near Anderson Mill; JESUS! Mary and Joseph! from Lakeline Mall Savers, Austin