Carrots. Just … just give ’em here. Really. I’ll stop any time I want to, no worries. Just three or four more. Six, tops. Maybe eight. Seriously, though, it’s not like it’s a thing, I just like carrots. I’m not hurting anybody or nothing, I just…look, buddy, just give me a bag of Bird’s Eye frozen nibblets and we can both get out of here, okay? I need the…I need the eyesight.
Oh, the fevered expression of a carrot junky. He’s double-fisting the things now. Look at those huge bloodstained eyes, the orange teeth…there’s probably a 12-step program for this.
Tragic. He’s already lining up his next hit.
Parents, take some time out this Easter to have a talk with your children about members of the Umbelliferae family. One conversation tonight can save five, even as much as ten, dollars at the grocery store.
Hey, it’s a cheap high.
Of course, the real question is who’s helping the neighborhood lops and chaudries get all these carrots? They’re a controlled substance, after all. Or at least it’s a pain for them to reach the counter at the grocery store, it’s a little high.
Sadly, many medical “professionals” are pushing root vegetables now, using their licenses to acquire prescription-grade carrots and passing them on to the youth. You can’t trust anyone. It’s “healthy,” they said.
Bunny Crack from the Goodwill on I35 and 183, Dr. Wiggly from The Goodwill near Anderson Mill and 183, Austin.