Now, if we only knew what it was. I started out pretty confident that it was a shoehorn for one of Santa’s elves, but now, not so sure.
You can see the source of my initial confusion. If you wanted to wedge your foot into a foot long, curly, bell-toed sort of a poulaine thing, this WOULD be the way to go. Except…well, firstly, that it seems to be covered in an aggressive, penicillen-like mold. Secondly, it was in housewares, which made no sense.
There are a lot of things that don’t make sense. The complex ceramic knotwork, that was a little weird. The wedge jutting off into the sky, like some sort of clay shark swimming through the plates, also a little weird. The entire thing had a marine sort of look–besides being covered in green splotches, it had a predatory sort of look, like it was hunting small fish along the sea floor, and was just about to, say, pry open a clam.
Eventually, just when we thought it was safe to go down aisle 6, it leaped from the shelf onto the back of a volunteer’s neck, drove a clay spike into his spinal column, and piloted the lurching monstrosity to Women’s Clothing, where it found the most god-awful vest and pantsuit combination. It was arguably the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen at Goodwill. After shopping to its heart’s (?) content, it returned to its quiescent state, but we weren’t fooled.
If it could shop, it could kill.
Goodwill at 2222 and Lamar, Austin