“Please buy my fine, pre-bagged children. You will never again, this side of home furnishings, find a collection of children quite this deliciously cooperative. Lay your feet upon them. They’re okay with this. Chopsticks? Chopsticks the size of railroad ties? Sure. That’s why they’re here. That’s why I’m selling them…to you.”
“You have that ‘thinking about the ethics of the situation’ look to you. Let me just say, don’t. Look at them. They WANT to be your ottoman. They’re enthusiastic about propping up whatever you’ve got. It’s going to be the highlight of their day, trust me.”
“I wouldn’t sell you these pre-bagged children if I didn’t BELIEVE in these pre-bagged children. I’ve tested each one myself, they also make excellent sawhorses. Don’t believe me? Get a couple of two-by-fours and and one of the little guys. Look, he’s practically ASKING for it.”
On another direction entirely, I’m going to say that, as a very, very white person, I’m a little mystified by the colorful Buddhist pantheon. But I’ve never been quite so bemused as by this little fellow, who’s making me want to fall out of my chair out of sympathy. Which is a pretty neat god-power, and must make the celebrations at the temple loads of fun, what with everybody gently toppling to the right.
You’ll recognize his special temple because of the way the strings of bells and colored cords hang at an awkward 25 degree angle from the building itself. It’s a trick, they probably do it with egg white.
May I have this dance?
ALL ORGANIZED RELIGION would be exactly 40% more awesome if priests, imams, rabbis, nuns, alterboys, monks, celebrants of every sort, would all stand at an oblique angle. Every sunday at church would be like a trip to the mystery spot..
My neck’s sore just typing this.
Strangely angled god from the Goodwill on Huebner and south I10, San Antonio. “Please Buy My Shrinkwrapped Children” from Salvation Army on 183, near Metric, Austin.
One Response to “Please buy my pre-bagged children”
Michael Jackson – yer doin’ it wrong.