BAM! Take that, blahs! Angst? Get out of here. Suicidal depression? This is your $4.99 ticket to sweet thrift shop therapy.
This is a completely awesome HAPPINESS CONCENTRATOR. Check out the science.
See the mirror on the left, and the mirror on the right? Happiness is attracted to the sunflowers and glitter–not a LOT of happiness, small doses. On its own, the glitter itself is able to generate small traces of happiness, but it’d take ages to build up a charge using that kind of slow-but-steady stuff, you’d never reach capacity. Still, if you’re in an area that’s got a naturally low happiness level–let’s say you work at Dell, for example–you take what you can get.
Drawn by the sunflowers, the happiness drifts toward the concentrator in the slow, aimless manner of Congress making progress. But once it wafts in, it’s STUCK. The crystals hold the happiness in place, the mirrors direct the happiness inward, confusing it with an infinite field of glittery sunflowers, and the box EXPLODES with happiness.
I’m not ruling out the ever-so-faint possibility that the science here is wrong, and that happiness can’t really get stuck behind fobs from a 1960s lamp. But I’m pretty sure the basic idea is sound. Unfortunately, when I bought it, a terrifyingly plain man in a black suit with dark glasses came out of the Half Price Books next door, told me I’d found stolen military secrets. Then he sprayed me with some sort of knock-out gas. I really don’t remember much after that.
Goodwill on 2222 and Lamar, Austin