Before we get to today’s unpleasantries, just a note that starting Christmas Eve we’re going to begin a merry “12 days of Christmas” romp here in thriftland. I’ve got three years of Christmas stuff waiting in the wings–there’s some really good finds this year, so please, send the link to anyone who loves Christmas kitsch :)
Anyway! You know this is going to be one of those shopping expeditions when you see this outside the door.
I don’t get down to Texas Thrift in San Antonio very often. Apparently, the Thrift Mafia down there has figured out that I don’t actually buy anything and has taken to leaving little threats.
So…that really is a good price for a funeral. And maybe that was what you were actually looking for. I’m hoping it’s not a used funeral. “Yeah, just swap the bodies out, nobody’ll care that much. Shove the other guy in with the stuffed animals. Mark him down to a dollar, he’ll be gone in five minutes.”
Then there’s the cremation. I’m thinking, put your loved ones down next to about fifty gently used Easy Bake Ovens. Then, crank up the juice. Yeah, you’ll probably blow a fuse, but those things get pretty hot! And if you don’t get your dearly departed up to the right shade of golden brown, well, 25 or 30 tubs of pink magic frosting says they’re a sheet cake.
I’m so having my funeral at Texas Thrift. I’m writing the service now. “We are gathered together today to commemorate a man who died as he lived, in the discount aisle. Each of us must remember that today, any day, even this hour could be our own clearance sale. Truly it is said, All Things Must Go. So it is true of clowns, and of Make-Up Magic Barbie, so to, of all of us. Ashes to ashes…dust to dust…brick to brack. Heavenly father, we commend this soul to your Salvation Army, where there is no markdown, where you cherish each damaged miniature and each cracked figurine, and they may remain on your shelf now, and forever, amen.”
Texas Thrift on South Flores, San Antonio