Anguish of Spoon
Anguish of Spoon

I understand the dish ran away with the spoon, but after that it was endless hours of passive-aggressive arguing, veiled accusations about the time so-and-so spent with the knife, and sullen silences under dinner. There is no sadness like the sadness of a plate-faced man. He has seen so many things. The crumbs of a […]

About Professor Read-A-Lot
About Professor Read-A-Lot

At first, I kind of liked Professor Read-A-Lot. He had, frankly, a pretty awesome moustache, and I always found a man with a slide-rule extremely attractive. And mom said that I should always trust someone wearing a lab coat and nothing else, and this was the first time it came up. He seemed to have a […]

Aaaaaaaand, clowns
Aaaaaaaand, clowns

Unlike whipping cream, a kiss from mom, or a $50 bill, clowns never make it better. So in the spirit of pre-holiday dread and the interminable suffering that is Friday…have some clowns. Don’t bogart that seltzer water, man. Pass it around, let everybody have a squirt. Smiling on the outside, blitzed out of her gourd […]

Morally Affronted Cork Lady
Morally Affronted Cork Lady

It’s probably something you did. Frankly, it’s ALWAYS something you did, but this time, cork lady cannot hide her indignation. From her puritanical collar and dignified, all-concealing marm-smock, to her delicately ruffled…uh…is that a cnidarian? Some sort of sea-life, anyway–she is a creature of disapproval. If she has eyebrows–she might have eyebrows, the jellyfish could […]

But is it art?
But is it art?

Over the years, I have seen some very bad things in frames. Some of them I bought. I thought for a while the worst was the framed empty bags of sugar, but this just might be worse than. Nope, not seeing it. Even if I was the artist (is that the word?) I think I’d […]

Bear with issues
Bear with issues

Those eyes. Those “come-hither, then back away slowly” eyes. You could, seriously, cut yourself on those eyelashes. Drag queens look at them and say “…oh, that’s a bit much innit?” Of course, the eyelashes, and maybe the fun little “Bollywood dance move” pose, are the only things that are remotely fabulous about this little guy–the […]

Uncertain Dogs
Uncertain Dogs

Every time I see this image, I’m just a little bit disturbed by it. I know dogs pretty well, we occasionally go visit them at the humane society and take them for a walk, have three of them. Never once have I seen them balance their heads quite like this. There’s something missing here…like an […]

Creepy stickfish
Creepy stickfish

Actually, the fish really isn’t that creepy unless you can see his horrible little eye, so I’m blowing the image up just a tetch to, you know, make the creepy “pop.”   We’ve got a sort of an undead thing going on here, exposed rib, gaunt “Souxie and the Banshees” eye socket there, but he’s happy […]

Halloween Bird and Ghost Cup
Halloween Bird and Ghost Cup

The halloween bird is, well, it’s special. The ghost cup isn’t, but it’s been staring at me since like 2007, so it’s clearly time to let it go. The rare halloween crepefinch–or orange-breasted pumpkinsucker–once flew over suburbia in majestic flocks, orangening the skies for as many as three blocks. Now, this once-plentiful bird is declining because of […]

Beware the Brides of Frankenstein
Beware the Brides of Frankenstein

(Dang, I can’t find an image from the Sandman comic of “Beware the Brides of Frankenstein. Trust me, it’s a sterling reference. Here, have something crazy instead.) “The first bride…the first bride was a failed experiment, Igor. But I have learned. I have learned that I should never have stopped at ONE. And also, the […]