This little piggie….was SUPERMAN
This little piggie….was SUPERMAN

It’s time for our semi-quarterly visit from the Shelfpig! This pig is all things to all people. If you want danger, he’s a tiger. Look at them stripes. The mask, the dark paint around the eyes and…uh…snout. This pig is a pig of action, if you want him to be. And yet, he’s a pig […]

I bought it, dear reader
I bought it, dear reader

I don’t know what it is. It wants to serve something small and nibbley. I tried peanut M&Ms, but they just kind of rolled out, onto the counter, then the floor, then the german shepherd ate them. So that wasn’t it. If I was to guess–and I guessed M&Ms and got that wrong–it could be a glorious […]

Your Monday one of those
Your Monday one of those

I’m pretty sure you haven’t seen one of these before. Whatever the heck it is. Wherever you’re supposed to put it, however you’re supposed to wear it, whatever appetizers you’re supposed to serve in it, you’re not prepared to face this on a Monday, so here it is. The jury is entirely out as to […]

Minimalist bear
Minimalist bear

It’s kind of like a polar bear that started melting. There’s an old “Far Side” cartoon, “God Makes the Snake,” that shows the Big Man In The Sky rolling out snakes from clay. I guess he had some leftover clay. Squish squish…squish…”I guess that’s a bear…” This bear scares me. I’ve seen my fair share […]

Scary Little Birthday Girl
Scary Little Birthday Girl

Everybody got together to celebrate Rosemary’s Baby’s tenth birthday today. Highlights include the candles on the cake flaring up like unholy torches, and the immurement of the cat. The children’s entertainer hired for the event never returned, but we found him on Craig’s List so there wasn’t a paper trail. No harm, no foul. Okay, really […]

They’re endangered, but maybe that’s okay
They’re endangered, but maybe that’s okay

Dolphins. All crazy intelligent and playful. It’s time they were taken down a peg, and Goodwill is just the place to do it. Get your dolphin hate on with me. This one, for instance, is basically already shark food.   Poor critter made a really unfortunate landing on that stump or coral shard or whatever […]

Happy dubious patriotism day!
Happy dubious patriotism day!

“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of ROCK STAR!!” One part Statue of Liberty, one part “Alfred E. Neuman.” What, huddled masses worry? Not if they have Rock Star! It’s probably why they crossed the ocean in the first place. The designers of this fine chunk of plastic have taken a few liberties…ahah…with the original, but I […]

I think you got that one wrong.
I think you got that one wrong.

I knew it. The renfest-industrial complex has been secretly mass-producing these artisinal mugs :( Lovingly hand-crafted goods from traditional craftspersons, my eye! I don’t even think they HAD steamboats in the Renaissance anyway. And if they did, they probably didn’t look quite so much like cross-country skiiers. Something must have gotten mixed up in the […]

Love me, love my floating head
Love me, love my floating head

Take my head, please. There’s a certain something wrong here. Clearly, we were going for “pretty woman leaning her head on her hand. But hair the same color as background the same color as hellish flames is not a happy combination. That, combined with the way her body just sort of disappears in all the […]

Watermelon Angel
Watermelon Angel

It’s so awkward…you’re getting ready for the big night, you’ve picked your best dress–the one that makes you look like “Miss Corn Huskers Hand Lotion 2012″ and stapled yourself to the best watermelon slice in town, and you hear his horn honking outside–hope he rented a limo, because this lady’s watermelon doesn’t fit in a […]