In one ear…
In one ear…

Collectible teapots. They’re presumably a thing. When I went to the big retail gift marts I’d see them by the shelf. They’d look like flowers. Like sexy celebrities. Like food. Just so many. But they never really looked like something you’d want to pour tea out of. Take Mrs. Chipmunk here. If that happened to […]

Out of pigs :(
Out of pigs :(

Apparently I couldn’t sustain a week of pigs, which is kind of a surprise, so we’re going with farm girls. And what a farm girl. Sporting a bold dress that says “you there, on the back row? Hide your eye,” she is the belle of the barn-raising. Those dancing eyes, that…weirdly cadaverous nose. There’s a […]

It might be a centipig?
It might be a centipig?

Is that the word? Because a heptopod really isn’t a thing as far as I know, and a sextopod sounds like something from the late 60s/early 70s that you’d have to hose out once a week or so. I bet these sound horrible on a tile floor. “clickclackclickclackclickclackSQUEEEEEEEE”. Pigs sound pretty horrible anyway, now combine […]

A little Monday pig-me-up
A little Monday pig-me-up

There’s a special quality to the mondays after a major holiday. A certain special frission of malaise and despair. “I cannot,” one says, “believe that a weekend is only two days long. What’s up with that.” So join me in escaping into a tiny little world of cute, as we join our old friend, Shelfpig, just […]

Inside an Angel
Inside an Angel

Angels. They have those flowing white robes, a bit of a tendency toward androgyny, and they’re ever so holier-than-thou (although, being angels, it’s probably allowed. Have you ever wondered what was up those shiny white robes? The truth may puzzle and disturb you. Angels are spun from the thoughts of God, of course. Everyone knows […]

Scary Santa’s Christmas Garrote
Scary Santa’s Christmas Garrote

Actually, I’m not sure if this is a Santa with a garrote or a sort of cheerful anthropomorphic personification of spring. Either way, not a bad way to end the 12 days of Christmas. Meet the last Santa you’ll ever see. I suppose the flowers should make me feel at ease–maybe that’s what he wants–but it […]

Have a Stephen King Christmas
Have a Stephen King Christmas

So I don’t actually know how many times I saw Creepshow when I was a kid. Five or six times, for sure. It was the early 80s, I was 10 or so and poorly supervised, and I had a VCR. now, if you’re not familiar with Creepshow, it’s an anthology horror film based on those old […]

Your Christmas Creeper
Your Christmas Creeper

So there’s some elements of this that make no damned sense to me. The title of the original masterwork is “A Perfect Fit,” as you can plainly see here: This will be the last thing that makes sense for a little while yet. I’m just glad that one of the shepherds there can do my […]

Metasnowman
Metasnowman

Apparently, too much spinach-artichoke dip does something to your head, because these appetizer dish sets just get weird. Take this guy, a sort of weird fractal snow-bot. Seems kind of complicated, just to hold guacamole. Ew. A guacamole-filled snowman? The world isn’t ready for that. Anyway. Having recently seen Gamara, I imagine this fellow spinning through space on […]

A Christmas Blood-Offering
A Christmas Blood-Offering

I think I was joking about the shepherds and the angels singing “Be Thou Not Afraid!” Not this time. Be afraid. Be rather a lot afraid. This is from a little-known story–it’s in the Apocrypha, the Infancy Gospel of James actually–about the Miracle of the Empty Buckets. In my church we’d celebrate it usually on […]